Why? Because There Is A Sucker Nephalem Born Every Minute?

If paying for a small DLC, adding a single character, 2 hours of gameplay and randomized dungeons (unrelated to the story), the same amount the money you would for a complete full-priced game makes sense to you, kindly stop here. This review of Diablo III: Reaper of Souls is not for you. In any other case, please read on.

TOO LITTLE. TOO LAME. TOO EXPENSIVE.

Charging 66% of the original game's price for only 20% of extra content is disgustingly greedy. This is not an expansion in any sense of the word. It is an overpriced DLC - and a small one at that.

We need to pay as much as a premium game to get randomized dungeons in a game that was way too short to begin with?

And, you are not fooling anyone, the Crusader is basically the Paladin that should had been included in the game in the first place. Does this mean we can expect the next $40 expansion to include an Assassin and then yet another $40 will give us the Druid? With these people at the helm of Blizzard there seems to be no low they will not stoop to.

TAKING AWAY THE AUCTION HOUSE WAS A DICKISH MOVE

Let me make this as clear as possible: the problem was NOT the Auction House. That was a brilliant idea. The problem was that the game was designed in such a way to ensure that it was unbeatable unless you payed real money to buy virtual gold from Blizzard's Gold sellers (remember all those PVPbank "friends request? guess what!). After Hell level (and especially true for Inferno) it was impossible to survive long enough without full sets of powerful Legendary items. Blizzard made sure to keep the drop rates of Legendaries into the infinitesimal (a single drop after a complete playthrough. If you were lucky). Even at those small drop rates, it was still very unlikely to get a Legendary with useful attributes and stats! What is the use of a +300 Intelligence Manticore when high level wizards are useless with crossbows? Hence the need for you to keep visiting the Auction House - where the prices were always kept super-inflated. Hence the need for you to pay real money to buy millions of virtual gold.

So, if they were able to milk their own customers for more money, why did they yank it out? Because it got too expensive for them to operate and the class-action suits were amassing like a storm. Because of the wide-spread popularity of D1 and D2, D3 sold millions. Unfortunately for Blizzard, the disappointed gamers who abandoned the game were also measured in millions. So, the Auction House was costing too much to keep open. Especially when the number of people who lost great amounts of real money to Auction House "glitches" approached critical and the lawsuits kept coming one after another.

They did not do us any favours. And they certainly did not decide that the Auction House was "hurting the enjoyment of the game". They just decided to take away a major feature the original game was sold with, just to make some more money for themselves.

You think they "listened to their customers"? Please read on.

WHY IS THIS GAME STILL ONLINE ONLY?

After 2 years the verdict is out and it is definite: Blizzard cannot run enough stable servers to properly support a popular always-online game. Or they are not willing to unless they charge you a monthly fee like they do with World of WarCraft. In any case, their servers are fickle as ever, prone to loose connection at any time, in need of weekly day-long maintenance and always ready to kick you out if you leave the game to take a break longer than 5 minutes.

Have you ever lost a legendary because the servers hiccuped just after it dropped, not allowing you to pickup or open anything? Have you ever had to start over an area, missing on the random spawning of a rare event, just because the servers lost it once again? Yes, I am sure you know what I am talking about.

So, now that the Auction House is no more, what is the excuse for not making private/Single-player games free of any need of an online connection? None!

The game takes up 12GB of our HDD. Are they going to lie to us all (like EA did with The SimCity) that it cannot run offline for private/Single-player games?

THE FORCED PATCH (Loot2.0) WAS A DISASTER AND AN INSULT

Without warning,a about two months ago, BLIZZARD forced the Loot2.0 patch on all of us. This is what this much praised by the usual company shills patch did: it made sure that every single hour you had spend on the game up to then was wasted!

Did you grind for hours to get Legendary items (or, even worse, did you pay real money to buy gold and then buy them from the Auction House)? Well, you wasted your time (and money). Those Legendary items were now insultingly weak, much weaker than Rare (yellow) items.

Did you make endless runs of the same areas again and again to bring all of your heroes up to Paragon 100? Again, you wasted your time. Now Paragon levels are shared between all of your characters.

Any time you sunk into the game prior to the Loot2.0 Patch was now wasted. So why would anyone trust Blizzard ever again and play any more D3? Next time they want to release yet another DLC as an expansion, they will not hesitate, once more, to render all of your time spend in the game totally wasted.

Replay Diablo II or Titan Quest. They are real games.

Play Torchlight 2. It is a complete game.

Play Path of Exile. It is free on STEAM.
Or wait for Grim Dawn.

In any case, I am sure you were not born yesterday.

Nothing Is Sacred Anymore...

The original Sacred was a great game that, although not exactly groundbreaking, it offered many hours of action-cRPG fun. What is more, its publisher had the good sense to price it reasonably from the start and thus fight piracy in the most effective way.

Sacred II, although enjoys more demanding environmental graphics and spell effects, is just another victim of clueless gaming industry executives. Instead of learning from the history of their own game, they'd rather idiotically jump on the "SecuROM/Limited Activations" bandwagon. After all, if they can hide behind the "everyone is doing it" excuse, who can blame them when the game does poorly?

They are obviously under the illusion that selling at full price a game that is actually rented will fail to be...noticed! Respect is a two way street - and underestimating gamers' intelligence is not a good start.

It is a shame that Sacred II got shot in the foot by its own publisher. Now, instead of being another success, it will simply be another game sacrificed on the alter of corporate Greed and marketing incompetency.

Avoid.

The Coolest Assassin. And This Time It Is Personal

I have been following Barry Eisler's books ever since Rain Fall. There have been some ups and downs but with a Jack Rain novel one received a huge entertainment check that never bounced. The half American-half Japanese ghost of international assassins, martial-arts expert, able to kill anyone - and make his death appear natural if needed.

The prose is flowing, the imagery detailed and the rhythm takes the reader on roller-coaster ride he does not want to end. Second only to the first novel of the series, The Last Assassin is one the best. Rain is trying to save his son and secure their future from his mortal enemy while trying to untangle a dangerous love triangle at the same time.

My only gripes are that, the endgame is somewhat anticlimactic. I am not going to ruin it for everyone but I could do without the last twist if it meant for his arch-enemy to meet a more deserving fate. 

Moreover, contrary to his myth, Rain is rather reacting than taking the initiative in this one. As a result, his loyal wise-cracking sidekick, Dox, at times appears more competent than him. Then again, he does not have to decide between Delilah and the mother of his child while taking on both the Yakuza and the Triads! And he does so in determined style.

All in all, a great novel. I cannot think of anyone not enjoying it.

Will The Iceman Survive The Rain?

I have followed John Rain's saga ever since the very first book, Rain Fall. Sure, the road had its ups and downs but it was totally unforgettable. Barry Eisler knows how to create a cool yet deadly character that will stay with you forever. The problem is, can he keep him cool and deadly while exploring fresh storyline ideas - and his character grows older?

In Requiem for an Assassin, Rain is forced out of his retirement in Paris. An old nemesis had abducted his friend Dox and unless he performs three naturally-looking assassinations, his friend pays the price. Is the deal just bad or is it doomed from the gates and both Rain and his friend will end up shark bait?

The clock is ever menacingly ticking; the stakes keep getting higher and higher; the locales keep changing from Thailand and Vietnam to LA, from Singapore to Rotterdam; and Rain, uncharacteristically, has to accept unsolicited help from old friends that had actually once been older foes.

The problems with this book actually started from the previous installment of the series (The Last Assassin) and they can be summarized into this phrase: Rain started having doubts. Having an alienated kid and a steady love interest has dulled his edge and diluted his determination.

Character development and fancy literally footwork aside, I think that, in the end, Barry Eisler tries to morally save his character - and in the process is corroding him to the core. A cold-blooded assassin may have his inescapable reasons to have turned out that way - but he cannot exist on a moral high-ground no matter what. And if he is no longer the cool cold-blooded assassin, he is no longer John Rain.

Having said that, I want to make clear that this is one of the best fiction books I read in years. I enjoyed both its tactics and action as well as its reasoning and detailed descriptions.

A Gutsy Move

If truth be told, WWII had been done to death. Ever since the original Castle Wolfenstein: 3D, every war theater, every offensive, every front, every defense line, every battle has been redone again and again. True, some more than others and, yes, a number of great games was produced. Yet, some game developers seem unable to stop whipping a very tired horse..

ActiVision proved it had the guts to break with the mold it had made its Call of Duty franchise a huge success. Call of Duty IV: Modern Warfare is set in a (fictional) present in which American and British agents are called upon to stop a Russian plutocrat with Soviet-nostalgia and terrorist aspirations.

The weapons are new, the gameplay is inventive, the graphics are realistic, the settings are beautiful - a great game all together! And the GOTY edition comes prepatched, loaded with numerous new maps and runs like a dream even on mid-range PCs.

The Darker, The Better

Dark Sector is a beautifully made and well thought out game that should not go by unnoticed. It is what you get if you cross Resident Evil with Max Payne (minus the bullet time): a fast Third-Person Shooter with an immersive story, imaginative weapons and cool moves. Finishing off zombies has never been more fun!

The graphics are detailed yet monochromatically biased: greys, blue and yellow sectors alternate. At first I found this unrealistic (which it is) but it sure fights the well known F/TPS repetitiveness feeling of running in the same corridors for ever.

Since the game enjoys (or suffers) a quick recovery cycle, you are almost never in danger of immediate death - but this hardly impends the flow of epinephrine through your body. Moreover, once our hero (Hayden) gets infected and acquires the glaive, a whole new ball-game opens up: although of limited effectiveness as a melee weapon, this cycle-edged discus will deal devastating arcs of gore and destruction to his enemies!

Oh yes, this is quite a gory game, mind you (I think it was banned in Australia for that). So, unless intended for young children, recommended.

Wanted? Honestly?

In one of the most memorable scenes of the movie, the hero (Gibson) smacks his double crossing "best friend" with a standard keyboard: certain keys come loose spelling, well "F.U.C.K.Y.O.U." in the air. In the opening sequence of the game they spell instead..."U.N.I.V.E.R.S.A.L". Freudian tangents aside, the game goes downhill from there.

The graphics of Wanted: Weapons of Fate are up to date, with realistic shadows and shiny surfaces. Moreover, I liked to be able, once more, to use bullet-time (of Max Payne fame). It is called "assassin time" here, but who are we kidding, right? Paired with a more or less working and visually impressive "curving the bullet", these are the highlights of the game.

Besides being short, Wanted suffers from both awkward and counter-intuitive controls and fickle commands. Crouching and moving from one cover the next gets old fast - especially since it is not always easy to go where you intend in one step. If I were to guess, I would bet on the PC version being a hasty port. I suspect that it would be more enjoyable with a gamepad but I refuse to use a gamepad for a PC game.

Overall, this is a game that will appeal mostly to fans of the movie. I myself bought it to experience ...curving the bullet first hand. That it delivered. But hardly anything more.

To be fair, when was the last time a based-on-a-movie game was above par? 

Mindless Fun At The Wheel

Let's get something out of the way: if you enjoy Vin Diesel movies, I very much doubt that you consider picking up The Wheelman for its...cultural value. I for one sure did not.

This is fast driving, impossibly jumping, using-your-car-as-a-weapon, how-can-it-possibly-be-exploding kind of game. Fun? You bet!

The graphics are beautiful (similar to NFS: ProStreet but less shiny than NFS: Undercover) and the cars acquire (more or less) realistic dents, scrapes and damages when hit. There are objectives marked on the map and cops giving chase. There are beautiful women giving orders, getting double-crossed and relying on your driving skills to drive through everything and see them right. Need I say more?

Keep in mind that The Wheelman was released during UbiSoft's sane days of releasing DRM-free games. So, you can not only greatly enjoy this game and do so with peace of mind that your computer will come to no harm but the game also becomes yours to keep.

The Magic Of The Twilight

The last Zelda game I had played was The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening on my good old GameBoy. And I still remember how much fun that was. Since, I had been an exclusive PC gamer - until last Christmas. So one can imagine how very pleasantly surprised I was when I discovered that this is a whole new ...sword-game.

In The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess the world is immense and beautiful and mostly open-ended. The graphics may be inferior to the latest PC games (Wii graphical capabilities are not one of its strong-points) however, I cannot remember when cutting-edge graphics were essential in the enjoyment of any cRPG. Having said that, the environments (from the grass and the creeks to the trees and the skies) have been designed to maximize the console's potential in most instances.

Not so with the sound: good music but low quality sound. And the dialogues are still scripted, not voiced. It makes no sense to hire top talent to compose the themes and sounds - only to present them badly.

The use of the motion-sensing Wii-Remote together with the Nunchuk follows a steep learning curve. Once mastered though the real fun begins. Moving with the Nunchuk and fighting with the Remote make the game such an immersive experience. Swinging the Wii-Remote actually swings Link's sword - and aiming in the screen will ail your arrows and projectiles.

It surprised me and brought back memories at the same time - and I had not have so much fun in years.

And never forget: It's dangerous to go alone! Take this.

Purshuing Its Own Tail

This was my first Cotton Malone novel and I think it shall be my last. The protagonist's previous exploits are amply advertised throughout this novel but I do not care enough to go through another one of these. And I will try to explain this without any spoilers.

The Charlemagne's Pursuit starts off promising enough, a sub in trouble and probably lost at sea. Cut to the hero about to pick up a package in a clandestine setup, at the high terminal of a ski lift. Of course all hell brakes loose. Of course the hero survives. And the pursuit begins. But it is hardly ...Charlemagne's.

I cannot understand why Charlemagne was dragged into this, besides providing a catchy title in a "Da Vinci Code" fashion. The story could unfold without the dead emperor's item as it holds no crucial hints and it provides no motivation to anyone. The entire "mysterious symbols / ancient writing" gives off a sense of mimetic attempt rather than add anything to the story. Both Cotton and his antagonistic companions already have a strong motivation to go on with their quest (in fact, no imagination was stretched in providing said motivation) and the records of the footsteps that are to be followed already exist.

What is never explained is why the nefarious bad guy is paying an expensive assassin to take out a number of people only to keep a secret that is not exactly...earth-shattering if it came out. The (minor) scandal would have been the covering-up and not the information that was supposedly protected - so why cover it up in the first place?

If you are the airport and are between this one and the latest Kathrine Neville novels, go for this one. In any other case, though, pass.

A Perfect Adaptation. A Wonderful Movie

It is very rare to watch a movie based on a favorite book and not be disappointed. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, however, is a rare exception as it is a perfect adaptation. Both the cast and the scenery was very close to the imagery the late Stieg Larsson created in my mind while I was reading his masterpiece. And the story follows the book plot with faithful reverence.

Having said that, even if one missed on the book this is a powerful and very entertaining movie on its own.

The movie is in Swedish (as it should) and if, like me, not fluent in the language, one has to use subtitles. I prefer this kind of translation to dubbing as I find it more respectful of the artists' original vision and craft. German and French (to to mention American) audiences, to name but a few, have been addicted to hearing their own language. This convenience, although it can work for most blockbusters, it rubs off all the subtle details that give rise to a masterpiece.

Noomi Rapace (of Prometheus fame) simply is Lisbeth Salander. The body-type, the attitude, the self-assured distrust towards the world. From the way she enters a room to the way she hits her computer keys she is possessed by Lisbeth's spirit.

In this first installment of The Millennium Trilogy Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) and his investigation form the center of gravity. No matter, the moment Lisbeth enters a scene she steals it away simply because there hasn't been such an original character for a long time. Nobody wants to cross this version of Pipi Longstockings!

The story revolves around a locked-room/island mystery. An industrialist, Henrik Vanger, has life-long obsession with what really happened to his beloved niece, Harriet. Although the Vagner family has no..shortage of bad apples, the mystery resisted to 40 years of thorough investigation by both the police and numerous private investigators. Blomkvist is persuaded to give it one last try not only by the substantial paycheck but also by the promise to be able to clear his name, tricked and convicted into libel as he had been.

The Millennium Trilogy is Larsson's last gift to the world. And it starts with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. If, for some reason, you do not want to savor the books, this movie is strong and potent. It will stay with you for a very long time.

From Prince To Pauper

It was only 2008 when UBISOFT was praised as a gamer's publisher, a company that respected and listened to its customers - while the usual villains (eh,...EA and 2K GAMES) found themselves at the receiving end of their wrath. Well, what a difference two years make!

BEEN THERE. DONE THAT

The gameplay of Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands, this new installment of the Prince of Persia Trilogy, is as stale as pita-bread found in Baghdad ruins. Running on walls, twirling around poles and jumping from handhold to handhold has been done again and again. Innovation may be in short supply in the current gaming industry but why was there a need to add yet another game to the series since no new ideas were available? It feels like yet another cookie from the cookie-cutter.

AS NOT SEEN IN THE MOVIES

Seen the blockbuster movie and loved it? Well, do not expect the game to have anything to do with it. Instead of a Jake Gyllenhaal you get a cross between Jack Black on a crash-diet and an aggravated Marky Mark (yeah, no matter how much he tries, he will always be remembered as Marky Mark). And, it may be just me, but I do not remember Princess Razia having such a pronounced...underbite!

More importantly though, the graphics are not up to par and they make the game look like a much older title. The cut-scenes look great - but this only emphasizes how much wanting the gameplay is found visually.

CATCH THE SOAPS - PERSIAN STYLE!

Selective amnesia and evil siblings must be the most overused plot trick in soaps. True, most games do not require a great background story to work and be fun. Some rare masterpieces do but it is not an absolute requirement.

Then again, at times, Mario saving Princess Peach over and over seems to have a deeper plot than Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands. I do not want to keep making perfectly timed jumps only for the purpose to...reach the next power up which will allow me to simply...jump higher.

DO YOU HAVE ANY DIABLO IN YOU? NO? WOULD YOU LIKE SOME?

Diablo III was to be coming out the same year this game was released (it did not, it came out two full years later). However, anyone who could capitalize on the hype it was creating, tried to do so. Prince of Persia games always had some hack'n'slash action in them, however this installment feels hack'n'slash -heavy as those sequences are not only longer but they also consist of repetitive battles with identical foes. Even the Bosses are nothing more than ...larger versions of the minions you had been slaughtering by the dozens earlier.

LOOK 'MA! I CAN FREEZE WATER!

Not to mention climb on and jump off it. It is a neat trick but all it adds is a few more moves to a game that, essentially, is tough platformer in 3 dimensions instead of the side-scrolling 2D. Of course being able to move in 3 dimensions means you depend on the camera to see where you are going. And the camera placement, more often than not, will be grating on your nerves. Especially when precision timing makes the difference between moving on and jumping to your death - and you start exhausting the number of attempts allowed.

LOST YOU GENNIE CONNECTION? SORRY, YOU ARE OUT OF WISHES EFFENDI!

That's right, someone at UBISOFT, once more, has been laboring to substantiate the "SOFT" part of the company name - as in "SOFT in the head". How else is one to explain the publisher's recent obsession with the most inconvenient DRM scheme ever imagined? Not only does it never lets go of the game we paid for but it also requires a constant online verification to play even a single-player game - in perpetuity!

And before anyone mentions the word "piracy", please check if the same scheme had any effect in protecting Assassin's Creed II from piracy. All this scheme prevents from is legitimate gamers from buying this DRM-ruined game.

Forgotten in the Sands indeed.

At Fault For Not Keeping His Coloring Within The Lines

I have to start up by saying that I am a huge fun of Barry Eisler. I have greatly enjoyed all six of his Jack Rain novels (highly recommended to anyone!) so my expectations were high even though I knew this was to be a break from that story arc. Having said that, I have to confess that I found the Fault Line to be a disappointment.

Alex is in trouble. He is a lawyer and his client's software under patent seems to have triggered a murderous spree and the list includes his name. Conveniently, his older brother, Ben, is a CIA wet-works operator that has just completed a semi-successful op in Istanbul. Although estranged and barely on speaking terms (not to mention unaware of his brother's true occupation!), Ben is the one Alex calls when it hits the fan. And even if suspension-of-disbelief requirements were not high enough, here come yet another couple of things that gum up this novel from working.

First off, the brothers' back story: it seems to drag on and on forever. We are well past the middle of the book when the narration of events from that fateful night is finally completed. And the switching of perspectives from one brother to the other, not something I would try again. It only manages to add excessive emotional details to an action novel, and without really strengthening anyone's motivation. I suspect that, this being the first book of the new Ben Traven series, it had to suffer a little in the heavy background department; nevertheless, it could had been done more subtly and concisely.

Secondly, there is no such thing as an action novel/political treatise hybrid - and when attempted it simply does not work. Barry's political observations (although accurate and valid) cannot be supported in an action novel. I doubt that any young Iranian lawyer under mortal threat would vent her liberalism on the only man standing between her and her killers because ...she found his employment actions unsanctioned and unconstitutional, even if they clearly are. And any such intelligence professional would had walked away from such a thankless task long before he had to reload his Glock 27.

Whenever there is a tactical situation or an action sequence, that is where Barry Eisler's strengths shine. He is one of the few contemporary writers that can choreograph a close combat scene so beautifully and then describe it in a way that puts you in the thick of it, leaving you looking for bruises on your body and blood spays on your clothes when it is over. Unfortunately, this is not a book that brings out his talents enough.

As someone disillusioned from both the trapping of modern "democracy" and the pseudo-fight between the left and the right, Barry seems to be blossoming into an excellent anarchist. Unfortunately, such insights belong more to a political Blog than an action novel.

I love Barry Eisler's works. I just did not love this one.

It Wants Its Cut Just For Driving Us Around

Mafia II is is a game with all the trappings of a hit that was to go down smooth - only to turn out the hit was nothing but a setup. And the supposed marks are the ones pulling the strings. Would a made man allow this to happen?

THREADBARE UNDERSHIRTS UNDER FLASHY SILK SUITS

The first thing that grabs you is how dull the graphics look once the (well-done) cinematics end. On top of that, it is not that the environments are badly designed, it is that the same patterns are used over and over resulting in...chain deja-vue episodes. This cookie-cutter approach could had made it easier to get lost - unfortunately, there is not even a chance for that.

FOLLOW THE SCRIPT OR ELSE, CAPICE?

If you enjoyed the freedom experienced in the GTA series, well, do not expect anything close to that degree of sandbox roaming. This a linear game only set on an open-looking background. Which, once more, shows that looks were considered more important than substance. And if you make a mistake and have to reload, be prepared to replay quite a long sequence because this is yet another game with only an autosaving option - and, once more, 2K behaves as if autosaving points are charged by the unit.

JUST KEEP MAKING THE ROUNDS PAISANO!

The next disappointment is how repetitive the gameplay itself is. "Great fighting mechanics" means all of two options: hitting or backstepping. Whereas, "realistic driving" means that your cars handle like boats - and you will still get killed once those 1940's-Detroit death-traps hit a wall or a tree. Realistic? Sure. But fun? Veramente not! All the mini-games and the money-worries are simply too trivial and half-baked to save the day. Fight-by-numbers made it to the big leagues...

NICE SHADES MAN, BUT CAN YOU SEE THROUGH THEM?

As if all of the above were not enough, the camera placement was so bad it reminded me of the notorious NeverWinter Nights. And sometimes, this turns more into a spectacle than a game.

VITO! CLOSE THOSE SHUTTERS, NOW!

I always had a problem with censorship boards (from totalitarian censorship bureaus to Nielsen ratings) but, at the same time, I do respect the rights of parents to raise their children as they see fit. Well, Mafia II will manage to enrage both sides of the generation gap. If the slow-news days keep up, expect some "outraged" news-reports on the content of this game before school begins. True, there are numerous instances in which this game justifies its MATURE (17+) rating - but this hardly makes it an adult game. Like a Dutch school painting of children looking like smaller adults, Mafia II offers the juvenile version of a grownup world. I very much doubt that any teenager (which obviously is the target demographic for this game) will be impressed.

And for all this ...fun, we still have to activate the game and tie to permanently to a STEAM account. This is clearly not one of those game you would want to keep, so shouldn't you be able to resell it? Well, 2K GAMES thinks not. You can now make your decision accordingly.

My advice: pass on this infamnia and, instead, get your Mafia fix from a good old Godfather Trilogy weekend. This game is so bad it almost enters cult territory.

But it is also boring so it fails to even do that.

Go Ahead, Make His Day!

Did you ever dream being able to run inconsiderate drivers who are too lazy to signal their turns or lane changes off the road and onto the sidewalk? How about spiral-diving amongst a swarm of black-clad enemies and bullet-time picking them out one by one? How about doing the same while skydiving? Or shooting bullets from your bare hand by simply holding them to the fire?

Shoot 'Em Up is an action movie that manages to both make fun of the action genre hyperboles and, at the same time, deliver a string of explosive action sequences. Sure, the plot is not the most deep but it far from paper-thin and, anyway, these are 86min of your life you will be glad you spent having fun.

The Academy gave ...The Hurt Locker an Oscar and they passed over this movie!!? Shoot 'Em Up deserves an Oscar for just two unforgettable scenes: the packaging-line shootout in Mr Smith's lair and the unique shootout/sex ballet with Monica Bellucci. Now, throw in Paul Giammati's smart-ass one-liners and you have yourself a movie which is great fun to watch.

Giammati may try his hardest to be the usual scene-stealer yet Clive Owen is the one who really delivers this movie. I am sure when they watched this, the producers of the James Bond franchise were kicking themselves for going with...Daniel Craig.

Start your year on the right foot. Draw a line and go after anyone who crosses it.

SkyFail

Even though never did I warm up to the choice of Daniel Graig as the next Bond (I still think Clive Owen would had been a better fit - and he would probably have the good judgement to steer clear of...botox!), I had to admit that Casino Royale was an excellent Bond film. With all the explosive and seductive sequences and all its gadgets (and product placement) one would expect. It was great, solid entertainment.

Then came Quantum of Solace and it turned out to be little more than a patchwork of all the leftovers from Casino. As a coda, it had its uses. As a new film, it would not be missed. Little did I know how the future held an even greater disappointment.

I was truly hyped to watch Skyfall. All the critics praised it and all the buzz was how Mendes managed to revive and, at the same time, humanize Bond. He did not. He did not even try.

The film suffers from a number of shortcomings. The script is weaker than milk and water trying to pass as English tea. Javier does a decent job portraying an albino(?) villain, if not a bit caricaturish. It is the script that make him look incompetent though.

Would you hire a world renown surgeon to clip your nails? How about a champion fisherman to catch fish you already have in a barrel? Well, this supervillain hires a top assassin to snipe at a man who is already surrounded by his men.

If, in the post 9/11 world, you somehow managed to get your hands on a military helicopter, would you not remember to equip it with a couple of rockets not to have to rely on its puny machine gun?

And would you endanger your freedom and even your survival in order to kill the person you hate - if you could kill them (and watch them suffer) half a world away by pressing a button? Well, he does exactly that. More than once.

Even then, MI6 is portrayed as even more incompetent. For such a rabid foe was amassing fortune, recruiting henchmen and organizing for years - without MI6 ever wising up to him. And would you ditch your company car because "they are all bugged" - only to try to get away undetected with yet another fully equipped ...company car?

Nevertheless, these are not why the latest Bond film fails. Even if realism was the direction recently taken, when was any Bond film able to hold up to such scrutiny? No, the film fails because it is not fun to watch. Most of the action in the film takes place before the opening credits. After that, it is all looks and silences and word association. And, contrary to other Bond films, I could not care less about anything going on on the screen.

This semblance of a story unfolds in a staccato sequence of locations, each resembling an episode shot at a different set. There is neither continuity nor coherence. At the beginning, someone steals an MI6 NOC list in Turkey (I will not even ask what was such a list doing outside the vault and into the field!) and halfway through the movie everyone forgets about it(!) Who cares about all these deep agents, lets save the snotty aristocrat, right? Sadly, if you have seen the trailer, you have seen all there is to see of this film.

I am afraid they destroyed more than the classic DB5 with this one.